Paging Doctor Miles…
* Of course, I am awake. Being pulled in both directions of consciousness by OTC-scripted drugs and coffee. I know it’s my own fault. Especially since I was asleep for about five minutes right before 4am. But I startled awake, remembering I had not taken my morning meds…
* I did not want a repeat of Monday. Monday fucking sucked. I slept from about 3am-12pm (yes, nine hours uninterrupted!) - but no meds before I fell asleep. Very bad. Woke at noon, feeling as if I was gonna jump out of my fucking skin. It took all day for my body (and brain) to recalibrate after way past-due medication ingestion.
* Well, even though I know my “problems” are all quite bourgeois in nature, I managed to have a rather intense, tear-filled therapy session yesterday. Too often I categorise my “problems” as being “self-indulgent” - and when I do consider the big world picture - they are. But when I honestly acknowledge the wide variety of bad emotions they raise for me personally - they are real. I’ve always been rather consistent in this manner… Being able to place all these “problems” in very rational, intellectualised “boxes” - yet still struggle with them emotionally. This “divide” in my processing method has often come up in therapy. Although, we never call it a “divide”. This is the first time I’ve ever used that particular word. In some odd way, I am totally OK maintaining both the rational and irrational within me. Somehow that seems more healthy than being just one way or the other. Yet, might be helpful if I could constructively combine the two a bit more often. Or maybe that will never happen. Maybe this is just how I am.
* Basically, I have a lot to work through right now. Which is totally fine with me. I am much more for working through the shite than brushing it under the rug. Almost wish I could see my therapist twice a week right now… I may ask her about that next week… Yes, it may be “indulgent” - but the “reasonable me” knows I need it.
* After this rather exhausting session, I headed over to Myra’s for a visit. I cried a bit more on the drive over to her place, but was pretty together by the time I arrived to serve as her sounding board. Being her “therapist” - as she serves as her sister’s “therapist” right now. Whoa. Talk about drama. Myra’s BIL has decided to have the most cliched mid-life crisis possible… Attended high school reunion, spent time with “first love”, and now wants divorce from her sister. And yes, there are kids involved. Just a mess.
* Now… I must make this point! I have no idea why… But Myra and the Ginger Prince (GP) had coffee together yesterday morning! I asked, “Decaf?” She hung her head and replied, “No…” I am certain it was mostly milk for GP - but he was totally amped way beyond his normal chatterbox self! Continuous minute-by-minute report of everything that was happening! Somehow (???) - she and I still managed to have an “adult” conversation about issues on her end - in particular, her sister’s situation. But - WOW! - I have warned her - I’m not coming over if GP is on caffeine! He was extremely well-behaved, but really… The commentary never ended!
* It was pretty damn hot and sticky up here yesterday, so we were set to take a dip in her swimming pool as well. Post-lunch, it was time to change into our swimming costumes and cool off in the water. GP loves to join me in the loo when I have to “tinkle”. I don’t know - it’s just one of “our” things! I am way laid back, so I could care less. He decided he wanted to join me for swim change yesterday. Hysterical! Kept poking my boobs and giggling like a maniac. “Like Mam!” “Yes”, I would answer. Then he would add, “Me, too!” I would say, “No, you are like Daddy.” Then again from him - “Me, too!” Myra thought this whole discussion was just the best! Me, too! He joined me again when it was time to change out of costumes back to street clothes… And we repeated the whole schtick again. And again. Really - no caffeine for the kid!
* Swimming - as always - was great! Especially feeling so emotionally drained after therapy. GP has a little water-squirter - and - DAMN - he’s accurate as hell with that thing! Kept getting me right in the face! I decided I would do quite dramatic “dying scenes” for him. The Silverback is referring to this action as my “goat move of the day”. Because… In the water, I twisted to the left and threw myself backwards… And my back went out on me! Who the hell throws out their back in water?!? Obviously me! When I surfaced I immediately told them what happened. GP’s advice - “Bad back! Lie on floor! Hard floor! Now!” The kid totally cracks me up!
* I was home early… Around 3.30pm… Utterly destroyed! I relayed all the “gossip” to The Silverback, ate a cold BBQ chicken sandwich and four ibuprofen, and fell asleep no later than 5.30pm. Did not wake til 11pm-ish! Missed my 7pm and 10pm meds! Not nearly as bad as Monday’s episode, but still not good.
* Rather certain that this is one of my longest posts ever! What the fuck! There may be some meat in this here sandwich, but I fear it is quite heavy on the condiments!